Five Things I've Learned About DC

This week I celebrate one month in Washington DC as a resident. During my time, I've learned some of the lessons of the city, which I'd like to share with you:

(5) Crazy Stuff Happens On DC Transportation- On my bus ride to my job interview, I noted a man seated across the aisle from me. Scraggly-bearded, unkempt clothes, cold weather clothes in 95 degree heat; let's just say he was dressed in a pretty wild manner. Occasionally, he would open his eyes to steal glances in every direction or mutter something incomprehensible. But mostly, he acted like he was sleeping. So when I took a phone call, it came as a complete surprise when he pulled a camera out of his bag, snapped a picture, replaced the camera and then pretended to fall asleep again. In mid-conversation, I just kind of stopped. Did that just happen? But also be prepared for all sorts of artistic displays. I've run into a capella singers, jazz musicians and even tap dancers while waiting for the metro.

(4) The Roads To Nowhere- if you follow the grid of letters and numbers, you can find your way to just about everywhere in the city. But woe to you if you stray onto a diagonal that cuts through the city. These state-named streets only lead in one direction: traffic circles. And finding your way out of a traffic circle while dodging city traffic is the surest way to give yourself a brain aneurysm. Best adventure: Dupont circle. It's a traffic circle inside a traffic circle. And you can't get from one to the other. My wife says the roads are confusing so terrorists can't find the president. My Georgetown student peers say the roads a result of the artist hired to design DC. I think it's both: they hired an artist to invent random roads to protect the president.

(3) Police Priorities Seem A Little Off- DC is well-known for it's crime. (It's still not as bad as my home town, but for many it seems exorbitant). Many longtime residents have even witnessed a crime or two without police intervention. But while police may be lacking in crime punishment, they are spot on in parking enforcement. Two parking tickets in a month. (Both on rental cars, so someone at the police station will have to do some research to find out it was me. I'm betting they won't take the time). One of those parking tickets was for parking within 25 feet of a stop sign. I was 20 feet away. What I want to know is, what police officer went up to my car with measuring tape? If they'd just of gone up a block they could have probably caught some drug dealers instead.

(2) There's No Good Way to G-Town- Georgetown! Sounds fun! It is, if you live there and don't ever have to leave. Georgetown is one of the few remaining areas of DC that is hard to access. Plan on taking at least two buses, several metro stops and a considerable hike or suffering 50 minutes from Union to G-Town on the Circulator bus. Word is that the powers that be are considering an elevated metro into Georgetown. Doubtful occurrence. Georgetown is where the rich folks live. Put in a metro and riff-raff like you and I can get there with such greater ease if we want to steal their garden gnomes.

(1) It's Easy To Hate Tourists- It's sad statement about how fast you get indoctrinated by the city, but you may be a tourist your first day, but after a month, you know the routine. And despise those that don't. I remember on my first visit to DC being shouted at rudely for standing on the left side of the escalator (Rule of Thumb: Walk left, stand right). It was embarrassing. But only a month later, I don't like tourists. How do you spot tourists? Easy.

• They roam in packs with bright, matching shirts so they can find each other easily.
• They have maps out
• They look at buildings with the wide-eyed expression of child recovering after putting their finger in a light socket.

So one day I'm stuck behind a crowd of tourists and, of course, they're standing on the left. And I found myself exchanging glances and rolling my eyes with the people behind me. Tourists.

Comments

[kob]

Will you expand this to 10 next month?

[kob]

Will you expand this to 10 next month?

[Roosh]

Unless you're prep you'll get tired of g'town real fast. 70% dudes for the mediocre field of girls

[Matt]

Based on my experience, you'll be getting those tickets from your rental car agency. If you don't pay, the police will send the delinquency notice to your rental car agency, which then will send you a bill or forward the ticket along to you.

I got caught by a red-light camera in a rental car, and paid the ticket.

[playmaker]

I'm seconding Matt. And if your rental car was from Thrifty or Budget, and you don't pay those tickets before the city contacts them, they'll be charging your credit card an "administrative fee," in addition to the ticket.
Learned that the hard way.

[fonzy]

Uh, if your G-town peers don't know the person who designed the city, then maybe you should hang out in a smarter circle.

Hint: A metro station was named after him.

[Tmoney]

The police aren't the ones that issue parking tickets. It is actually a completely different entity. In fact, I was talking to an officer and he told me that the police and the "meter maids" pretty much hate each other. In fact the meter maids actually write out tickets to cop cars! The officer I spoke to had a whole story about the time he ran into a store for 5 minutes and told the parking enforcer what he was doing. When he went into the store the parking enforcer wrote him a $100 ticket and took off!

[Joseph Sixpack]

I would have been more embarassed about yelling at someone for being on the left side of the elevator, rather than being the person yelled at. That individual must be a real pleasure to be around if something so insignificant creates so much stress.

[DCPeg]

I've lived in DC since '71 and STILL do my best to avoid avenues and circles. The worst of all, however, is the beltway. I'd rather drive through any traffic circle than take the beltway. Having said that, you nailed Dupont Circle!! :-O

As for tourists, please don't think every DC resident is rude to them. Spouse and I make a point of stopping if one looks confused or lost. Living in Foggy Bottom, we often discover that tourists have been told the Lincoln Memorial is a short walk from the FG Metro stop. It most assuredly is NOT. Besides, being nice to tourists might encourage them to spend more of their dollars in the District!

[meanteeth]

It cracks me up when people describe DC's streets as confusing, particularly in NW . . . besides the alpha-numeric ease of the quadrant (as opposed to SE, where the L'Enfant plan is unimplemented to a large extent), there's the whole avenues-get-you-where-you're-going-faster bonus.

Here's a hint to the non-Washingtonians who freak out at circles: the people ON the circle have the right of way, and if you cut in and then cut out, you'll get through it quickly. Riding around the perimeter and stopping for everyone means that mass confusion ensues.

[GPerreault]

@kob: If I get five more lessons, for sure...but I'd hoped that I'd learned them all ;-)
@Matt: well, almost two months later and I finally did get charged by U-Haul...Looks like you're right!
@fonzy: hmmm. U St./Cardoza? ;-)